How quickly (and slowly) this year has gone by! I can scarcely believe that I’m leaving in roughly 27 hours. I wish I could put everything into words that I’ve learned thus far but probably best because this post would be FOREVER LONG so here are just a few things.
A few weeks ago I was driving home from a quick beach trip. During that four-hour drive I really took advantage of the alone time: true oneness with God. On the way there I belted loads of songs, but this ride home was completely different because of Remember Me by Mark Schultz:
In a Bible cracked and faded by the years.
In a sanctuary filled with silent prayer
And age to age
And heart to heart
Bound by grace and peace.
Child of wonder,
Child of God,
I’ve remembered you,
When the color of the sunset fills the sky
When you pray and tears of joy fall from your eyes.
As I listened to this song I found myself feeling a fraction of the Lord’s pain. Abba, how often do you just cry out for us to remember you? Does it really take an old Bible to jog our memories? Is it truly necessary? Or can the day-to-day remind us (ahem, me) of your presence. You touch my heart, yet I forget. You grant me grace and peace and define me as a child of God (child of wonder). Remind me that this is my identity and do it daily…multiple times a day. I see how we all need it.
Then I read this:
It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.
I should have been working my new job by now. Ironically, I had prepared mentally for it to fall through. I don’t know if that was my grand idea or if the Lord planted it. As we age, I think we lose a significant amount of trust for other people, for the world in general. Thankfully I didn’t have to trust in a human for a job. I have great, great people helping me find a job, but I have the Creator of the Universe who is the mastermind of it all. If a job falls through, it just means that I will see his power even greater than before. Since this I’ve interview twice at another company but never heard anything so I just assumed they were interested. So I interviewed elsewhere and we are waiting to hear from HR. Two roads- two roadblocks. Today I received a voicemail saying the RN training will be next Thursday – sorry Friends, I’m in Africa. I didn’t know you actually wanted me!! And the other is still waiting on HR. So with just a little over 24 hours I’ve no idea what is going to happen. Then I see this great thing: my mother still speaks truth to me. And at 25 I’m still up to listen to it: “God knows.” Yup, profound words. That was all I needed to hear. I’m so glad I have my family! So glad I may –or may not- have cried about it.
(I apologize for jumping around.) Rewind to the song “when you pray and tears of joy fall from your eyes.” Man that just gets me. I’ve recently prayed and tears of joy started falling down my face. And yes, it has happened more than once. Then I smile and laugh…quite hilarious if you had seen me in my car during all this. Tears of joy have been for the women in my life group and seeing them at various stages in their lives; my sweet three children I nanny (I’m going to miss them while I’m gone); my doting grandmother who has showed me how much a fighter she is! (A few rounds of chemo is sure to show anyone that.) Family and friends who continue to support me as I get ready for Burundi. I know so many prayers have been thrown up and I’m sure I can’t even count them. Friends have donated to my trip – way more than I ever knew possible. I am so honored and blessed by my friends and family. I do not deserve it one bit! I just don’t know why I am so lucky as to call them part of my family. Some I talk to often and others every now and then, but the Lord never fails and He is still good to me, especially through these that have constantly sought after me. I am forever grateful.
Now off to take my Malaraone to prevent Malaria!