Isaiah 6:8

And then I heard the voice of the Lord say, "Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?" I spoke up. "I'll go. Send me!"

~ Isaiah 6:8



Thursday, June 7, 2012

Bouts of Amnesia

Recently I began a new job, one that is exciting and challenging with a team of incredibly intelligent people - I am beyond thankful for the opportunity. This team at work is just getting started, we are working diligently to lay out plans and figure out how to start approaching our task. I have been working 12+ hours each day and while I have been frustrated on occasion - overall I am loving it. I love being challenged, feeling needed and useful at work, tackling issues...but lately my mind and heart are only on my job.

I cannot believe Burundi is two weeks away. Last night I was talking with my roommate about all I need to get done at work - how I feel bad leaving my team in crunch I will miss out on going on some of our first trips together. After listening to my complaints and struggles, she said, "but this is your team too."

I cannot believe that two weeks from tomorrow I will board a plane to Burundi with 11 incredible teammates. As I looked around tonight I realized I barely know some of them, but we are a team. I want to be intentional in my time with them, committed to the people we are serving, and most importantly I want to be mindful to remember who and why I serve.

Life so easily becomes a checklist. But my Father wants me to have life and have it abundantly. When I take up His yoke instead of mine, life becomes more joyous - I become more free. I tend to forget why I serve, why I am going - instead I focus on the how and what. What tactically needs to be done to get to the goal and how I am going to get there. The problem is - without keeping my eyes on why I am to do things...the goal always becomes convoluted, a cheap imitation of His intent.

I am not going to Burundi to teach children science lessons. I am not going to Burundi because they need some accounting help. I am not going to Burundi to see transformation or to have my heart broken. I am going to Burundi because I want to be obedient to my Lord. He sacrificed everything for me on a cross. As soon as I remember what He did all of a sudden my life checklist becomes a daily mission field - Burundi is part of His mission through my life. I cannot believe the creator of the universe is choosing to use me. I am glad I am not the boss - if I were, I would certainly not have hired me. Grace is amazing!

Our team had a cook out tonight and while I showed up in a suit and with my mind still at work...the Lord was working on my heart. I still can't believe Burundi is only 2 weeks away - but instead of worry, anxiety, and stress - I want to choose thankfulness. When feelings of doubt and fear creep in...Remember.

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